Slot Attendant Read online

  Table of Contents

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Praise received for Slot Attendant

  Other books by Jack Engelhard

  Praise received for Jack Engelhard’s other books

  Engelhard’s Guide to Writing

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  More bonus essays by Jack Engelhard

  1: Salinger Is Back and PBS Has Got Him

  2: In Praise of Jeff Bezos

  3: Hemingway and A Lost Generation

  4: Casino “Eye in the Sky” Knew You Before NSA

  5: Me and Esther Williams

  6: On Writing A Novel in Six Weeks

  7: Don Imus to Frank Rich: Regrets for Butchering Broadway?

  8: Dear Writers: Suppose Your Novel Sucks?

  9: JFK, Marilyn, Elvis: Trashing the Dead with Books

  10: Adultery, Anyone?

  11: Salinger, Roth Hemingway and the Wilderness of Writing

  12: Tips for Becoming A Better Writer from A Writer

  13: The Obit Uris Never Got

  Back cover

  Slot

  Attendant

  A Novel About A Novelist

  “exceptionally brilliant and rewarding”

  Also featuring

  Engelhard’s Guide to Writing

  and more bonus essays

  by

  Jack Engelhard

  DayRay Literary Press

  British Columbia, Canada

  Slot Attendant: A Novel About A Novelist

  Copyright ©2009, 2013 by Jack Engelhard

  ISBN-13 978-1-77143-112-5

  Second Edition

  Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

  Engelhard, Jack, 1940-, author

  Slot attendant / by Jack Engelhard. – Second edition.

  Issued in print and electronic formats.

  ISBN 978-1-77143-111-8 (pbk.).--ISBN 978-1-77143-112-5 (pdf)

  Additional cataloguing data available from Library and Archives Canada

  Jack Engelhard may be contacted through: www.jackengelhard.com

  Front cover artwork: Original photo used © Christopher Johnson.

  Previously published in 2009 by CreateSpace.

  Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the express written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief and accurately credited quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  DayRay Literary Press is a literary imprint

  of CCB Publishing: www.ccbpublishing.com

  DayRay Literary Press

  British Columbia, Canada

  www.dayraypress.com

  International Bestselling Novelist Jack Engelhard

  Author of Indecent Proposal

  Translated into more than 22 languages and turned into a Paramount motion picture of the same name starring Robert Redford and Demi Moore.

  Slot Attendant

  A Novel About A Novelist

  Exceptionally brilliant, masterful and rewarding – and here it is from the mighty pen of novelist Jack Engelhard, the highs and lows, warts and all of making it as a writer. Here the sweetness of success is given its proper place, as are the moments of failure and despair, and you will never forget the refrain, especially if you’re a writer, “Nobody cares.” Engelhard opens the door into the world of New York publishing with equal access into the world of gambling and casinos. A triumph, and an absolute must-read.

  Also featuring

  Engelhard’s Guide to Writing

  and more bonus essays

  Praise received for Slot Attendant

  “Jack Engelhard combines personal experience, the experience of others, and a truly vivid, thoroughly grounded imagination to paint this compelling portrait of a novelist. The dialogue is sharp and engrossing. The elements of both mystery and deeply personal conflict are introduced and compelling from the very beginning. The ending is anyone’s guess, and guess you will...it’s guaranteed. Yet no wisdom was ever imparted more entertainingly...not to mention at times emotionally. For a quick, brisk read brimming with pathos and dignity, humor and mystery, hope and despair, love and lust, corporate autocracy and little guys who won’t knuckle under...you don’t want to miss Slot Attendant.”

  - John W. Cassell, author of Crossroads: 1969

  “Engelhard takes you on a literary cruise. Truly the author of this era.”

  - Len J. Jones, Amazon reviewer

  “Slot Attendant is a page turner. You won't be able to put it down. It is such a fantastic read that I wonder, can any reviewer ever do it justice?”

  - Gisela Hausmann, author and blogger

  “With his usual energetic ease of edgy, efficient expression, Engelhard’s Slot Attendant provides an electrifying, edifying, and entertaining read.”

  - Linda G. Shelnutt, mystery novelist

  Also by Jack Engelhard

  Indecent Proposal: Fiction.

  Translated into more than 22 languages and turned into a Paramount motion picture of the same name starring Robert Redford and Demi Moore.

  Compulsive: A Novel: Fiction.

  Escape From Mount Moriah: Memoir.

  Award-winner for writing and film.

  The Days of the Bitter End: Fiction.

  The Girls of Cincinnati: Fiction.

  The Prince of Dice: Fiction.

  The Bathsheba Deadline: Fiction.

  The Horsemen: Non-fiction.

  Excerpted in The New York Times

  * * * * *

  A new Spanish language edition of Indecent Proposal was released in 2013 in both print and e-book editions and made available for purchase worldwide.

  Praise received for Jack Engelhard’s other books:

  “Precise, almost clinical language…Is this book fun to read? You betcha.”

  - The New York Times, for Indecent Proposal

  “Well-wrought characters, exhilarating pace…funny and gruff…a fast and well-crafted book.”

  - Philadelphia Inquirer, for Indecent Proposal

  “Compulsive is enormously enjoyable, and so easy to get into.”

  - Kenneth Slawenski, (Random House) bestselling author of

  J.D. Salinger: A Life - www.deadcaulfields.com

  “Engelhard tells the story of The Girls of Cincinnati with precision through his masterful narration. Every word has a place and every page has a quote you will want to remember.”

  - Lois Sack, author of Her Brightness in the Darkness

  “A towering literary achievement.”

  - Letha Hadady, author, for The Bathsheba Deadline

  “Savor it…it may be the best, sharpest, most vivid portrait of life around the racetrack ever written.”

  - Ray Kerrison, New York Post columnist

  writing for the National Star, for The Horsemen

  “The refugee stories Engelhard preserves are boyhood memories of an almost To
m Sawyer character… adventurous, humorous, sometimes wonderfully strange.”

  - Chris Leppek, Jewish News (Denver),

  for Escape from Mount Moriah

  “What a great story. If you missed the 60s – if you missed the excitement, the passion, the radicalism, the thrills, the hopes and dreams – this book brings it all alive. I could not put it down.”

  - Kmgroup review, for The Days of the Bitter End

  Dedicated to

  Leslie, David, Rachel, Sarah, Toni…and Siena!

  ...and to the loving memory of my parents

  Noah and Ida

  Immeasurable gratitude to

  Jeffrey Farkas, John W. Cassell, Linda Shelnutt

  Engelhard’s Guide to Writing and other bonus essays featured herein were previously published in the Communities section of The Washington Times, except for The Obit Uris Never Got.

  Engelhard’s Guide to Writing

  (for a world gone berserk)

  “Everyone is a genius at something.

  The trick is to find out what it is.”

  NEW YORK, September 18, 2013 -- Tips on writing, from any writer, should be ignored. But here we go anyway because the world needs you.

  1. Keep it simple.

  2. Write for yourself. If you do not trust yourself, write for your best friend.

  3. Do not write for the public. There is no such thing anyway.

  4. Never worry about bad reviews or spiteful comments. Recognize that there are quite a number of stupid people out there who think they should be heard.

  5. Every book – even a novel – is really a long newspaper article. That is where the word novel comes from – news. So the first task is to come up with a lede. Yes lede, for lead. Never mind why we put it like this. But once you have the opening thought, the rest follows. Moreover, every type of writing begins and ends with journalism – fact upon fact.

  6. Drop the embellishments. Write the way you speak.

  7. Do you like sex? If you are British or Jewish obviously you do not indulge. Otherwise, fear not, but write it as if you invented it.

  8. Write your heart out. After that, cut it by half. You will be amazed to find that by subtracting you are adding.

  9. Free yourself from worrying how your book will end. A book is smart. It knows when it is done.

  10. Never approach your typing unwashed. Remember, writing is prayer; writing is holiness.

  11. Consider yourself special, but also typical. Whatever hurts you, hurts the entire world. You embody the universe. Your job is to light up the place.

  12. Yes, the world is tumbling all around us. Nothing makes sense. Remember, a simple candle brightens a darkened room. Be humble, but remember that in a world gone berserk, we need you. But never mind the answers. The questions you ask are more important.

  13. Surprise yourself from one page to the next. If you can’t surprise yourself, no way you can astonish your reader.

  14. Write the outline to make your editor happy. Then discard.

  15. Begin by approaching the mainstream (NY) publishers. After they have thanked you and rejected you, get it done by small press and/or digitally.

  16. Read the classics. Then read the pulps. Read everything. Keep writing. Eventually you will find your own voice.

  17. Study the movies. Screenplays show you how to condense.

  18. Find the type of writing that suits you best. You are good at describing? Describe. You are good at dialogue? Do that.

  19. Are you sure you want to write a novel? If nothing but dialogue keeps happening, maybe you wrote a screenplay.

  20. Do not be a perfectionist. Perfection never comes. So why wait? The Liberty Bell is most famous for its crack.

  21. Be kind to yourself as you write. Imagine your mother peering over your shoulder as you type – not your mother-in-law.

  22. Grammar is important, but people forgot to tell William Faulkner and James Joyce about this and they did okay.

  23. You will find that virtually every paragraph that runs five sentences or more can and should be cut to two.

  24. If you write a sentence and must think it over more than three times, it is sending you a signal that it does not work. So give it a fresh start.

  25. Actors should never be caught acting. Same goes for writers. Never get caught writing.

  But the first rule to remember is that you stand on the shoulders of literary giants who came before you, but still, you are on your own.

  Now shut up and write.

  More bonus essays are included at the end of this book, starting here.

  Chapter 1

  So it’s four in the morning, Saturday night all over again, and I’ve got Zone 14. That’s the worst there is, down there in the back, in the dark, where it’s all pennies, nickels and quarters. It smells pretty bad, the stench of people who’ve sat in the same chairs all night long and haven’t bathed since the last jackpot. I could use a shower myself.

  They keep pumping in the coins like it’s not real money. They think it’s play money until they get home and can’t pay the electric bill. They sit there delivering the slot machines their paychecks, their pension funds, their unemployment extensions, and they go at it like zombies, hypnotic, trance-like, panning for the gold. Someone told them this is “gaming,” not gambling. The buses keep rolling in, pulling up, and more people keep spilling out. They dash for the same machine that was generous to them last time. This time of the night it’s mostly the shadow people from Chinatown and Harlem. It never ends.

  From the moment Atlantic City was given the okay to go round the clock, like Vegas and elsewhere, it never begins and it never ends.

  Life itself has a beginning and an end. Only casinos live forever. Maybe they’re onto something.

  I’ve been working graveyard for more than a year. I’m a slot attendant. We are the ants. Everybody’s your boss. I could have gone the Security route, become a guard, same pay, $8.25 an hour and more respectable, but that means elevators, checking doors and floors. I don’t travel well in those, in elevators. Family tradition has it that my mother was stuck in an elevator while I was still in her belly, so that’s my explanation. But even this job, slot attendant, wasn’t easy to get. I was asked to fill in what category I fit and damn I couldn’t remember what category I fit.

  Maybe some of us don’t fit, you know, categories.

  I was also asked why I want this job. Why does anybody want a job? It’s the economy, stupid. We need the money.

  I was asked where I see myself in 10 years. Most likely dead, I told them.

  I’m wearing the casino’s official slot attendant uniform, black shoes, green pants, green shirt, green jacket. That, plus a tool and key belt, standard equipment. The key opens every slot machine in the place, the hoppers full of money, so in that sense we’re special. Only we have those keys and, of course, our supervisors and shift managers. The shirt I’m wearing is wool and it itches. The pants, the jacket, these also itch. I use my official casino screwdriver to scratch my left shoulder blade, where all the itching seems to collect, and my wife, Melanie, always gasps when she beholds the welts, blisters and scabs. She says screwdrivers were not meant for that purpose. I usually scratch when I get upset, but I’ve been good about that and getting better. I’m learning to behave. You play the hand you’re dealt. That’s gambling. That’s life.

  The big glass doors keep opening and closing. There’s a draft, there’s a chill, I’m hot and I’m cold. I’ve been running from machine to machine. People hail me by snapping their fingers, by poking me in the ribs, by whistling, or by shouting, “Hey, you, slot attendant.” I try to ignore the whistlers. They do bother me. The man who trained me, Suliman Veejay, told me, that time back, that he never responds to whistlers. That’s too rude. There’s got to be a limit. But what can you do, especially if a supervisor is watching?

  Pini Cleopatrus spots me leaning against a pillar. She informs me that it’s against the rules. Pini is so small that she has to stand on
her toes to meet my gaze, but she is a supervisor. I think this may be the moment to drop my keys and tell her and the rest of them to take this job and shove it, but I think that every day, sometimes every moment, but it’s a job, a paycheck, and above all, the Benefits! I try to remember what Philo said: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” I guess that includes Pini.

  The supervisors started off as you did, as slot attendants, having only moved up a notch, but still, they are gods. To you they are god.

  So I’m back to my rounds, but there is no catching up. I’m always behind. Slot machines are clumsy and keep breaking down. Coins get stuck in the comparators, a job that requires use of my tongue depressor, and bills get caught in the bill validators. If it’s a real problem I use that special key to get inside. If it’s something I can’t fix, I have to call for a supervisor, and they hate that, being summoned. Around here, everything is an emergency. People don’t like to be kept waiting, gamblers especially.

  I’m proud of that key. I earned it after four weeks training with Suliman Veejay. The rest of them – it took them only two weeks to get the hang. Suliman said to relax, it’s okay. But I was worried because I was on probation and people kept asking Suliman what was taking me so long to train up. Suliman told me not to worry, as he knew how to smooth-talk the supervisors and shift managers. He’d been at this 20 years. Kids, after all, learn faster. This is really a job for kids just getting started or for grownups just finishing up.